How to be Chuck Bass

I am Chuck Bass

Everyone is in love with Gossip Girl's resident bad boy Chuck Bass. Those bow ties! That sneer! Those condescending, degrading, misogynistic quips! Here is the How-to on being the mythological anti-hero that is Charles Bartholomew Bass.

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Begin and end sentences by saying, "I am (insert first and last name)". Don't ever let people forget who you are.

For daywear, embrace the three P's- purple, plaid, and preppy. No color is too bold, no pattern is too tacky, and no outfit is too Hamptons-d*uchey for a Chuck Bass wannabe.

For nightwear, embrace the three V's- vests, velvet, and Valentino. Chuck Bass just doesn't party at night, he IS the night.

Two words: bow ties. Women love a man who has a sophisticated style. Think of Cary Grant but 17 years-old and drunk.

Purse lips, raise left eyebrow, and lightly whisper in all conversations. Act like it's near painful to engage in conversation with a person all the while coldly judging them.

Walk with a swagger that looks like there is a stick shoved way up your butt. No matter how ridiculous it looks, people will find it sexy as long as you follow all the steps listed in this ehow.

Learn to appreciate fine wines, ports, and liquors and make sure to carry a full glass on the rocks wherever you go (parties, shopping, school).

Vacation in exotic locations via private jet, all the while wearing gaudy clothing and perpetuating the Ugly American belief.

Pay people like chauffeurs, bodyguards, and escorts to hang around you so you feel like you have friends.

Sleep with any woman that comes your way. If she doesn't give into your Machiavelli advances, say something like, "Your looks bore me" or "Do you know who I am? I'm (insert first and last name)." (see Step 1)

Try to cause pointless and detrimental damage to your friends' social life for no reason other than that you can.

Try desperately to win the approval of your soulless and emotionally inept father, all the while neglecting the obvious fact that you're turning into him.

Instead of telling the woman of your dreams that you love her, mentally torture her.